Vignette 13

Yokohama (II)

  

My year educational hiatus in Japan was over in the fall of 1949 when we moved to Yokohama. Father enrolled my brother and I in Yokohama Catholic schools located near our house on The Bluff: Austin, in the boys' Jesuit, St. Joseph's and I, in the girls' French Sisters of the Holy Infant Jesus, St. Maur's International School. Our classmates were children of European or bi-racial Portuguese-Japanese descent.

 

My French mere ( meaning "mother" or "sisters"in Catholic English terminology) teachers taught mainly in English but we had French as well.  Our classes were decorous needlepoint, sewing, dancing, calligraphy, deportment besides basic reading, composition, and arithmetic. We did not have PE and were sternly warned to not run about like street urchins but to always be ladylike and soft-spoken. An hour of folk dancing everyday, seemed to the sisters, a genteel outlet for our wayward energies.

 

At the start of the 1949 St Maur school year, the Catholic sisters called me aside and advised me that I should not use the, quietly added under their breath, "heathen" name ", Ying Ying" as a proper girl's name. Every girl in St. Maur's had a Christian name except me. Since I was born on July 1, they searched their Saints Feast Day catalogue and came up with St. Oliver Plunkett, the 17th Century Irish archbishop martyr who was drawn and quartered. I was not happy to adopt Olivia as my name nor think about being drawn and quartered like St. Oliver. Mother liked "Yolanda" who was acceptable to the teachers in reverence to the Polish St. Jolenta. Father liked Juliana because of the "Ju" prefix of July which was in keeping with my brother's name Austin, born in August. Father cajoled that "Juliana" would be like the queen of the Netherlands. The sisters replied that Juliana would be a lovely name; there were already several Julie's and Julia's in the school and it is a very popular, beloved name. That popularity actually turned me off. Noting my reticence, one of the nuns countered with "Judith" which father said "Oh like Judy Garland?  or the 'Punch & Judy' show?"

 

I looked up the unfamiliar name "Judith" in the encyclopedia and started reading about the Jewish heroine I had never heard about before. "Judith", I learned, beheaded the enemy king and saved her nation. In the Bible, I found "The Book of Judith" and I became eagerly convinced that Judith was no sad, virtuous, martyred victim nor compliant, prayerful, cloistered nun! At that age, I didn't understand how Judith got into the enemy's bedroom except, somehow, she did.

 

Have I regretted my choice from when I was a naive, ignorant girl? Well, certainly, during my maturation I would have chosen differently but I am pleased that my daughters and granddaughter have names that I very much like and would have happily selected for myself:  Laura, Estelle and Sabrina. "Judith" seemed like such a serious, old name and the affectionate name "Judy" took hold among my friends - a name I grew to disincline when I entered high school. I might have also preferred "Samantha" out of "High Society" or "Lauren" like Lauren Bacall, both acceptable Catholic names.

 

Another problem, the mere/sisters found was my total ignorance of the French language. I had read many stories about Frankish King Charlemagne and his paladin Roland in English but could not read or write French.  They suggested that I obtain a French tutor to help with the 5th grade French homework. Father hired a young, scholarly Japanese graduate student and college teaching assistant. He was slender built, wore glasses and seldom looked us in the eyes. I did not like him from our first lesson. He was stiff, unfriendly and condescending, obviously resentful of this demeaning position of teaching a child. I also felt for the first time, I met a Japanese who did not like the Chinese. 

 

One evening during the third or fourth boring class, the similarly bored teacher during a conjugation lesson, sharply remonstrated me.  He spat out, "You stupid Chinese girl!" I immediately stood up and crossed my arms "Why do you say that?" He said "Sit down or I will slap you". He raised his hand from his sitting position and I grabbed his arm. We tussled and ended up rolling around on the drawing room carpet. I shouted to Austin "Grab his glasses! Grab is glasses!" To which Austin happily complied, also wrestling with the teacher locked in a fray with me on the ground. Soon, Jimmy and the maids heard the commotion and came running in, at first baffled by this appalling scene, but eventually dragged us off the teacher. Austin and I were persuaded to go off to bed and the teacher threatened that he was going to wait for my parents to come home to report on our egregious behavior as he straightened his clothes, smoothed his hair and repositioned his glasses. I didn't care if I was going to be spanked as it seemed this contest was well worth any forthcoming punishment to be meted out on me. He had insulted me as a girl, a Chinese and lastly, as stupid (that description was actually fine with me).

 

When my parents came home, I could hear low voices downstairs, then my parents apologizing and the front door closing. Shortly after father called up ominously, " Come down!" I slunk down, still defiant but willing to take my punishment. Father asked me severely, " ...Outrageous! What happened?" (不像樣! 怎麽回事兒?) When I described the episode, I could see from the corner of my eye, mother could barely keep a straight face. Father nodded his dismissal and said he will think about this and decide what to do. I was flabbergasted that I didn't get another whipping and relievedly trotted off to bed.

 

The next day, father attempted to be stern and chastised us " Outrageous! (太不像樣了)You must apologize to the teacher"( father never used a swear word nor raised his voice "不像樣" would be as vituperative as he would get). Detecting my reluctance, father ordered, "It doesn't matter who was right or wrong. He is the teacher - end of discussion!" I had never defied my parents nor my teachers nor been rude to others, even our servants, so my parents must have taken this into account. As my punishment, we would have no more tutors and I will have to struggle in my French class on my own, since I could not be trusted with tutors.

 

The French teacher came back the next evening with his formal resignation letter. Both Austin and I had to pretend to be apologetic while bowing to him. I suppose that previous night my mother's Hunan temperament burst out in me. I was actually surprised at my own impulsive indignation. The result was I had to struggle through French for 2 years on my own and Austin and I never had tutorial help again - even when we desperately needed it in Taipei.

 

Years later, mother confided that she and father were actually very amused by this incident as Austin and I comported ourselves politely with everyone (except for the silly Nagasaki Sawayamasan fiasco) so how was it possible that the teacher lost control, parents puzzled? She agreed, she thought the teacher was a bit of an arrogant, stuffed shirt and she didn't care for him, herself. The "英英打老師" episode went down in mother's family lore with father always shaking his head, interjecting "不像樣， 真不像樣!" to register his disapproval.

 

While parents were immersed in the Cold War in Europe and hot war crisis in the Taiwan Straits, I lived in my own little childish world of childish activities.

 

One of our favorite pastimes was browsing through the Sears, Roebuck and Montgomery Ward catalogues, indulging in wishful thinking. Parents ordered household and personal items through the catalogues that were not available in the PX, much less on the sparse Japanese markets. There was much excitement whenever a package would show up. Most of our clothing was ordered through the catalogues. Austin and I also received a small allowance every week to spend on little treats. On our PX outings, Austin would spend his allowance on his favorite comic books like Dick Tracy, Superman, Wonder Woman. Mother and I enjoyed "Little Lulu" and "Blondie &  Dagwood". To counterbalance our “low brow” taste, father would himself, lay his purchase of the Classic Comics series on top of our childish selections. Father hoped, after we tired of re-reading our trite little entertainment, we would tackle the classics comics such as "Tale of Two Cities", "The Last of the Mohicans", "Count of Monte Cristo" and "Hiawatha".

 

In our Consul General Residence  when Fatherwas  Consul General, Yokohama 1950

Mother, Austin and I, Yokohama, 1950.

                         

                                                                           

                                               

In fact, father was always devising ways to elevate our education - to often limited effect. When father was at home in the evenings, he would invite us to sit with him in the drawing room where he worked and had a phonograph. Father would put on his favorite Shakespeare plays with Laurence Olivier, or Orson Welles. Invariably Austin, barely 6 years old, would fall asleep. The recording of Lewis Carroll's "Alice in Wonderland" was more welcome, so much so, that Austin and I learned all the songs by heart from listening to it innumerable times in avoidance of the dreaded "Henry V" or "Richard II" historical dramas. Whenever soup was served at home, Austin would imitate the deep voice of Mock Turtle in the Lewis Carroll " Mock Turtle Soup Song": "Beautiful soup, so thick and green, sliding 'round in my tureen".

 

One day in Hayama, we were given the rare invitation to have dinner with the adults. Upon the service of the soup course, Austin launched innocently, with a deep voice, into " beautiful soup so thick and green ..." The adults all stopped their conversation in perplexity, but Gen. Chu didn't miss so much as a beat and chuckled in amusement "Austin 唱的好 !" Thus encouraged, Austin launched into a Turtle Soup reprise whereupon, mother said  "enough already, child, or you best be going to sleep." (够了,够了!孩子再唱就該去睡覺吧!) Even at age 6, Austin knew it was time to shut up or be banished from the table.

 

Father thought perhaps if he took me to Shakespearean films, the visual effect would invigorate more enthusiasm in me, especially with his favorite thespian Laurence Olivier. Though I feigned more interest, in truth, I did not measure up to father's standard of scholarship when he learned his English just from listening to Olivier's Shakespearean phonograph recordings. However, I did enjoy, furtively, peeking at father nodding his approving attention to the cadence of Olivier's enunciation in the award winning Henry V "St Crispin's Day Speech": " For he today that sheds his blood with me /Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile, /This day shall gentle his condition. /And gentlemen in England now-a-bed /Shall think themselves accurs'd while they were not here,/ And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks /That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day."

 

I believe father so much relished the rhythm of impeccably enunciated English of Olivier and Orson Welles that no other western entertainment could compete, much less the rhythmic twang of the Virginia Reel.

 

Mother appreciated the smoldering Olivier and Orson Welles in an entirely different light which I also very much more preferred. She took me to see "Wuthering Heights", "Rebecca" and Orson Welles in "Lady from Shanghai". When we came home, mother would smilingly shake her head at father who did not join us at such popular entertainment as a waste of time. She would tease, "没有辦法" admitting mother and daughter's taste were too "low brow".

 

 

   Family Portrait taken in Yokohama when father was consul general

     From time to time, in our second year in Yokohama though I was doing well in school, mother seemed distracted. American friends were dying in Korea. Chinese friends they had known in Chicago transited through Yokohama on their way to Taiwan or the Mainland through Hong Kong. The Pacific world seemed to be falling apart again.

 

Mother was often broke out into nervous hives, scratching herself till she bled. Sleep became elusive and she would take sleeping pills. Mother invited the Jesuit priests, the Catholic teaching order most respected for their learning and progressive thinking, to dinner and talk about Catholicism but could not find meaning or solace in their charming sermons.

 

In the spring of 1951, Taipei recalled Gen. Chu to Taipei headquarters but Gen. Chu chose to retire from ROC service. When Gen. Chu's replacement Gen. S.L Ho arrived in Tokyo in the spring of 1951 General Ho, now head of ROC Mission, ordered my father to be immediately suspended as Consul General and transferred out of Japan back to Taipei.  

 

The ROC Foreign Minister at this juncture was the venerated and venerable Dr. George Yeh (葉公超), who was father's English professor at Beida, a tenant in one of Grandpa's courtyard houses in Beiping, and the mentor who had encouraged father to follow Beida (聯大)  to Kunming during the Japanese advance into Beiping. Minister Yeh, instead, assigned father to the Manila Embassy as first secretary.

 

Mother was extremely irate over this seeming demotion when they had done such a stellar job in Japan. Father tried to calm mother that this was egoistic thinking. He was only 33 and had risen very rapidly to pro tempore Consul General in the ROC Occupation Government. Father claimed his friends in the home office assured him "this too will pass". They advised that father lay low in his youthful career - the tallest bamboo will, invariably, be cut down. The Foreign Ministry had a "lock step" policy for “career” diplomat (in contrast to “political” diplomats appointed through political influence. The career diplomats rose only according to seniority and years of service, so as to curtail envy or discord.

 

I asked father once what was his greatest attribute in life? His education? His prodigious photographic memory? His hard work? His upbringing? Without a moment's hesitation, father replied his greatest attribute was "Ren" (忍) - a Chinese word  I would explain to my children to mean fortitude, forbearance, endurance. Father pointed out the Chinese character, "You see the knife's edge poised above the heart?" Indeed, to some people that dubious distinction "Ren" might be the explanation as to why the Chinese civilization has endured through 5000 years; why first generation overseas Chinese can quietly suffer indignities, cruelty, hardship, deprivation and China survived the last 200 years of Western and Japanese incursions.

 

But "Ren" to me is not just blind suffering and stoic acceptance in the darkest wilderness of man's inhumanity to another. "Ren" requires judgment, wisdom, patience, and above all mastery of oneself -  all qualities my father has and would need for his decades of service, yet to come, for his country. As father said to mother during their bleakest days "Let's just do our work we must do. All else is vanity (虛榮)." To me these few words are as meaningful in a gentle way as Shakespeare's warrior Henry V's rousing " St Crispin's Day Speech".

 

 橫濱之二

我們住在橫濱之後，父親幫我和弟弟在山手町附近的天主教學校註冊，弟弟上的是耶穌會的男校，聖約瑟夫國際學校 (St. Joseph International School)，而我上的是女校，耶穌聖嬰修女辦的聖默爾國際學校 (St. Maur International School)。我們的同學都是歐洲人，或者日本葡萄牙僑民的後代。

學校的法國老師在教學時基本上以英語為主，但我們也有法文課程。平日課程除了閱讀、寫作和算術之外，還要學針繡、縫紉、舞蹈、寫字、儀態。我們沒有體育課，而且老師嚴厲告誡我們不可以像街頭小鬼亂跑亂跳，一定要像淑女，說話要輕聲細語。看來每天一小時的舞蹈課只是讓我們發洩過剩的精力而已，不是真正要學什麼舞蹈。

學年一開始時，修女把我叫到旁邊，勸我不要再用「英英」這個名字，說那是異教徒的名字，還跟我說，學校裡除了我之外每個人都有教名。原本父親喜歡「茱莉安娜」(Juliana)，可惜學校已經好多人有類似的名字，於是有位修女提議「茱蒂絲」(Judith)。父親說：「就像那個茱蒂‧加蘭 (Judy Garland)，還有那個木偶戲——龐區與茱蒂(Punch and Judy)！」

我的另一個問題是完全不懂法文，我讀過很多有關查理曼國王和羅蘭勇士的故事，但都是英文的，我不會讀法文，也不會寫。修女建議我請家教，才能應付五年級的法文功課。於是父親請了一位年輕的日本研究生，他也是大學助教，人瘦瘦的，戴著眼鏡，很少抬頭看我們。從他第一次來上課我就不喜歡他，他很呆板，不太友善，好像覺得自己被找來教小孩是紆尊降貴。這也是我人生中第一次碰到不喜歡中國人的日本人。

第三次或第四次上課時講到動詞語尾的變化，老師突然很嚴厲的罵我：「你們中國女生真是笨蛋！」我立刻站起來質問：「你怎麼可以這樣說？」他回道：「給我坐好，不然我揍你！」然後舉起手來，我立刻抓住他的手臂。我們扭成一團，滾在地毯上。我大聲叫弟弟去抓他眼鏡，他馬上照著我的話做，結果三人扭滾在地上。後來吉米和佣人聽到聲音跑來將我們三人分開，並且說服我和弟弟去睡覺，老師則揚言一定要等到父母回家，告訴父母我們姐弟有多麼壞。我根本不在乎他向父母告狀後會有什麼後果，我生氣的是他侮辱我是女生，是中國人，是笨蛋(這點我倒是沒有太在意)。

父母回家後，樓下的人低聲交談，接著父母一直道歉，然後大門關上。不一會兒父親把我們叫下去，「不像樣!怎麼回事兒？」我說完原委，父親叫我們回房，說他要想想看怎麼解決。第二天，父親嚴肅地說：「太不像樣了，一定要跟老師道歉。」(父親從不大聲，也不會罵粗話，最生氣時只會說「不像樣」！)父親看出我有點不甘願，說：「不管誰對誰錯，他是老師。就這樣，不必再討論了。」我從不違逆父母和老師，對人也不會粗魯無禮，即使對待家中僕役也是客客氣氣，父親一定考量過這些事實，並沒有打罵我們。他給我們的處罰就是再也不請家教了，可是這個後果還算蠻嚴重。往後兩年的法文我們得像瞎子摸象，自己摸索苦讀，弟弟和我從此再也得不到任何家教的協助，尤其是後來到了台北時，我們倆多麼期望有中文家教。

父親一直想辦法要提升我們的教育水平，可惜成效有限。晚上父親在家時，總喜歡在客廳一邊做他的事，一邊聽留聲機，那時他就會叫我和弟弟過去，然後開始放勞倫斯‧奧立弗，或者歐森‧威爾斯的莎士比亞，不到六歲的弟弟聽著聽著就會睡著。我們喜歡父親放《愛麗絲夢遊仙境》，興奮得每首歌曲都跟著唱，後來對那張唱片簡直倒背如流，因為我們一聽再聽不嫌煩，只要不必聽亨利五世或是理查二世之類的歷史劇。

父親想，可能帶我去看莎士比亞電影，有視覺效果比較會激勵我學好英文，尤其是可以目睹他最愛的演員勞倫斯。雖然我表現出對看電影的興致比較高，但說實話，我達不到父親所期待的標準——他光憑著聽留聲機就可以把英文練得那麼道地。不過父親觀賞勞倫斯主演的獲獎影片「亨利五世」時，到了聖克里斯賓節 (St. Crispin’s Day) 演講那一段，勞倫斯的發音和節奏掌握得恰到好處，我倒是在旁偷偷欣賞父親聚精會神，點頭附和，非常沉醉的樣子。父親讚賞的是勞倫斯‧奧立弗和歐森‧威爾斯講英文那種急徐有度，抑揚有致的韻味，他認為其他娛樂片難以望其項背。

母親對電影的偏好可就和父親不同了，但是我反而比較喜歡母親的品味。她帶我去看的是《咆哮山莊》(Wuthering Heights)和《蝴蝶夢》(Rebecca)之類的，她喜歡的歐森‧威爾斯是他的《上海來的女人》(Lady from Shanghai)。我們看完電影回家時，母親總會對著不屑跟我們「浪費時間」的父親邊笑邊搖頭說：「沒有辦法」，意思是說我們母女的品味就是這麼俗不可耐。

在橫濱第二年，我在學校的表現還不錯，可是那時有許多事情似乎讓父母特別憂心難過。有好些他們認識的美國朋友死於韓國，而在芝加哥認識的中國人經橫濱回到亞洲，有人選擇前往臺灣，有選擇回中國大陸，有人選擇去香港，大家的選擇不同，看來太平洋的局勢似乎有分裂的危機。

此時中華民國外交部長是才高望重的葉公超，他是父親在北大的英文老師，曾經住在爺爺在北平的宅院，日軍攻進北平時，他鼓勵父親跟隨聯大到昆明。但此時葉部長並沒有把父親調回台北，反而派他到馬尼拉當一等秘書。

    母親對此很不以為然，因為父親在日本擔任的是那麼重要的職位。但父親總說母親太自我中心，他說他才33歲，已經算是升遷很快的外交人員了。父親的朋友認為父親還年輕，勸他姿態要低，因為葉部長對職業外交官的派任有些政策性的通盤考量 (不像「政治」外交官可能有不同的原因而外調)，而且職業外交官的升遷依據的是服務年資，為的是避免同事之間因妒忌而有不和的事情。

有次我問父親，他覺得自己最大的特點是什麼?教育背景？過人的記憶力？努力工作？家世背景？父親毫不猶豫地回答說：他最大的特點就是「忍」。我告訴我的孩子，「忍」有多重意涵，它代表堅強的毅力、自制力、忍耐力。父親說：「你注意到了嗎？忍字是心上面一把刀。」的確，對許多人而言，「忍」或許可以拿來解釋為何中華文化可以綿延五千年，同時也可以解釋為何海外華僑能夠在異鄉含辛茹苦過著沒有尊嚴的日子，甚至可以解釋為何過去兩百年面對西方和日本的侵略，中國人仍能屹立不搖。

但是對我而言，「忍」不是盲目地忍受，暗自咬緊牙根接受非人道的對待。「忍」需要判斷、智慧、耐性，更重要的是能夠主宰自我——這些都是父親所具備的特質，更是他後來幾十年外交生涯中所憑藉的修為。

在父母情緒最低落的時候，父親對母親說：「我們就做我們該做的事，其他的只不過是虛榮心作祟罷了。」這些話看似溫和，卻是寓意深刻，發人深省，一如莎士比亞的亨利五世在聖克里斯賓節，提振士氣的那場演講。